Monty’s Afterword

In a desperate effort to find something to post about, I’m going to have to resort to trashy content. But, I promise it will be fun.

The Set-up
Last weekend I was doing some reading (Online reading of websites that is) and I came across a very familiar term: The Lounge. Sound familiar? Well, it should. But, it turns out this Lounge belongs to the Chico News and Review, a local publication with branches in Sacramento and Reno. It’s ok reading. Anyway, back to the CNR’s Lounge and the trashy content I’m trying to get to. It appears that the Lounge is just a place to post an online personal add. Online dating is huge, despite its drawbacks. What drawbacks, you say? The mere fact that online dating really brings out the weirdos. You know what I’m saying. You’ve got to be highly selective when it comes to choosing your “winks” or whatever you call ‘em these days.

So, here’s where I come in. In the absence of having a large community at our Lounge (yet), I’m going to randomly select some individuals from CNR’s Lounge to profile. This ought to be fun, right? Again, when we’ve got some peeps up in here, I’ll choose some respectable profiles. Until then, this is what I have to work with.

First up, Mr. Sweet N Caring. That’s right ladies, get your pencils sharpened and jot down his specs.

Ok, let’s break this down. First, Sweet N Caring as a name is a great try, but it’s a hard name to have to divulge to your friends. I mean, can you imagine telling your best girlfriend that your going on a date with Sweet N Caring. That won’t fly. I’m just going to start calling him Aaron, because he looks like an Aaron to me. So, Aaron starts off in the right direction by emphasizing some key characteristics with his profile ID, but ultimately, it’s too cheesy and not very practical. Your first rule is to choose an ID name that’s personable and that can be used in a typical conversation. Got that Aaron?

My second concern, and this is coming from a photographer/videographer, is Aaron’s photo. His face looks good, nice smile, good clean haircut, but the lighting is wacky. Aaron, buddy, it looks like your head is floating in outer-space. Just a big ol’ head hanging out there, completely detached from a body. I know what went wrong here. You used your flash on the camera. That’s typical, but do yourself a favor, invest $30 (I’m guessing) and get yourself over to Sears and get some real portraits done. None of this cheap stuff, ok? You’re trying to impress the ladies and a nice, colorful background will really bring out those blue eyes. Trust me. You’ll have them IM’ing you instantly.

Lastly, I’m taking away points for the not-so-brilliant “effectionate” word use. What’s wrong here? It’s spelled wrong. Let’s do this one together, shall we (out loud everyone) A-F-F-E-C-T-I-O-N-A-T-E. Rule number two, use spell check, or better yet, a dictionary. I’m sorry Aaron, the affect/effect use is confusing, but a dead giveaway that you affectionate personality is total BS is the fact you can’t spell it correctly. Just telling you the truth. I’d rather date a dude who knows his emotional side well enough to put it accurately in writing. That’s what love contracts are all about. But that’s another blog entry.

Ok. Aaron, let’s sum this up. First, your profile name is touching but it also hides the real you, making you less approachable. Second, your photo is a trip. Invest! This is your love life after all. Lastly, double check grammar and spelling. Always do that. Always. Overall, I’m going to give Aaron 1 out of 5 stars on his profile. I would have given him a zero and then I realized that most of his solicitors won’t even notice the poor spelling–maybe I’m being too critical. But, don’t worry, we won’t let him leave empty handed. Aaron there’s a gift basket in the mail.