May 08
This short is my final project for Film Production Workshop
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0 (Poor) - 4 (Excellent)
| Factor | Rating | Votes |
|---|---|---|
| Overall | 3.07 | 15 |
| Overall Quality | 3.33 | 3 |
| Camera Work | 3.00 | 3 |
| Audio | 2.67 | 3 |
| Lighting | 3.00 | 3 |
| Editing | 3.33 | 3 |
One Response to “Across the Hall - filmschool’s cut”
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May 12th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
Ahhh… Nothing beats a blow to the head and fade out as an ending…
I think I know what you were going for here, and I like the idea. The impression I got was this was supposed to be a sweet, romantic little short that careens off into a brutal ending that takes people by surprise and leaves them scratching their heads a bit. Since this was for film school I’m going to say- It could be a commentary on the isolation of American society, it could be a metaphor for life itself, but really I’m guessing its mostly a fun experiment about playing with audience expectations.
That being said, the setup was a little bit weak. The attraction of the couple never seemed to clearly be established. What might help is to create an impression of the relationship starting to go somewhere. Escalate the romantic tension between the two a bit more, from perhaps the first initial contact, to some kind of mutual interest, to then some kind of signal from the woman that motivates the man to finally knock on her door. This progression sets up the expectation of what the man will find when he opens the door (a new girlfriend), THEN pull the rug out from the audience as to what he actually finds (a rather brutal homicide).
Currently the setup is a bit too repetitive. The time lapse city shot is used too often, and too generic. A time lapse is a good way to show the passage of time, but it should be relevant to the context of the story. So replace the cityscape with say a laundry basket in the apartment which slowly fills up, cars parking in the apartment lot or something similar. Maybe even something more ominous that telegraphs the ending, such as a time lapse that involves the janitor working on a project in the hall, that is a metaphor for his plan to kill the woman coming together.
I like the view through the peephole as a device. It naturally taps our voyeur instincts, and gives a “Rear Window” type feel to the piece. However it was too obvious that this was the same shot from the same camera setup, especially as you cut back and forth between the two. One way around this is to modify the color of the surrounding door in the shot. Perhaps the inside of her door is green, and his is brown, it would help separate the spaces in the mind of the audience.
Overall though I like where you’re coming from, and this is would be a great setup to a full length piece about a homicidal handyman.
Thanks for sharing…